//the new //the old
//and
me //connections //if
you're leaving // the honours
//the usual
I'm being unhealthy.
She doesn't trust me to stay here. I've not been acting right. I come home and say nothing, and this is considered acting out--being rebelious. So she's thinking of sending me to Miami while she's away. Pretending we can afford it. She's afraid of what I'll do, I guess. I suppose she hasn't considered that I'm too tall to hang myself from our shower-curtain rod.
But I shouldn't weep over material things. And I shouldn't be unhappy. I shouldn't need to go out and be with other people. I guess I have no right to my own emotions, anymore. Well, except for happiness. I should learn to manufacture it on my own, that one. I didn't tell her that I think it's unfair.
She says I need to keep in mind that I don't belong here. I'm just passing through. I guess these thoughts are supposed to cheer me up.
She says she's afraid that my boyfriend will abuse me. I tell her he won't. Well people in relationships sometimes don't see..., she says. But I say he won't, because he's not my boyfriend anymore. And she doesn't say anything else about that.
She goes about this all wrong, but I know she's trying to do her job well.